anacarolina

Seven days in a tent made me crave more. I jumped on sandstone that could have broken away below my feet.


I thought of you.


We’ve never met. The timing was off. There were states between us. My feet never left the ground. I’m not sure if you even know I exist here. If you’ve even peered in my direction.


What I know is that this feeling I have for you is solid. It’s a well made pair of boots, a loud banjo strumming in the distance, a sky so vast it touches the ocean and wraps around again.


Why
Why
Why


Fall never stopped me.
The timing just wasn’t right.
Your eyes make me weak.

I flipped out of the car last night.
Onto my back and slid across the asphalt. Gravel embedding into my skin.

This morning whenever I awoke I peeled them off. It felt like I was shedding a memory. The sting was brutal.

Oct 18
Flipping
Oct 10
What

I hate that I’m just a pretty face. I’m never anything more to any man. Can you understand how frustrating that is to me?

I’m just someone they want to conquer. I’m a trophy. A notch in someone’s bed post. I’m a sad excuse for a relationship. I’m never taken seriously. I’m a joke at best. I’m exotic and people enjoy it. I’m like an exhibit in a museum. But taking me home is completely out of the question. I’m the one you don’t tell your parents about.

Oct 4
Sometimes I hate being in my own skin.

I think it’s time we give it up and figure out what’s stopping us from breathing easy and talking straight. The way is clear if you’re ready now. The volunteer is slowing down and taking time to save himself.

The little cracks they escalated and before we knew it was too late for making circles and telling lies.

You’re moving too fast for me and I can’t keep up with you. Maybe if you slowed down for me I could see you’re only telling lies, lies, lies. Breaking us down with your lies, lies, lies. When will you learn?

The little cracks they escalated and before we know it was too late for making circles and telling lies.

You’re moving too fast for me and I can’t keep up with you. Maybe if you’d slowed down for me I could see you’re only telling lies, lies, lies. Breaking us down with your lies, lies, lies. When will you learn?

So plant the thought and watch it grow, wind it up and let it go.

Sep 27
Lies

I wake up vomiting almost every night. What’s going on with me?

Sep 26
Sick

Of owning my car I finally ordered my Black Flag and DESCENDENTS decals. On to find Misfits and Minor Threat ones I actually like.

Sep 26
After over a year
Sep 24

Favorite things from today.

Has been the best choice I’ve made for myself in so long.

I don’t remember the last time I was this happy.

Michigan, I miss you.

Sep 17
Apprenticeship

Looking at different options.
Planning my flights.
Planning my father’s flights.


After looking forever I found one that went through Chicago.

I can never go back.
Not even for a layover.

Sep 9
Spending today booking flights.

Canyon

I will finally have you as a piece of me forever. I will be able to declare your beauty across the land. To tell people of your majesty.

And I’m doing it all with the man I love the most, my father. I am so blessed. I don’t even realize it anymore.

I cry and complain to Yada more than I should. She knows all of my woes and allows me to just release everything every single time I’m around her. If it weren’t for her I probably would have moved already. If it weren’t for her I wouldn’t be hanging in there. Honestly, that’s the biggest blessing I’ve gotten this past year.


I haven’t stopped stumbling. That’s okay. I have spent this time learning. I’m getting better at getting by. I’m getting better.

I miss C more than anything. It is time to let go.

Sep 8
Grand

That I was only able to sleep for four hours.

Sep 8
So sick

Turning
Sleeping
Waking

Heaving
Heaving
Heaving

Nervousness
Fear
Anxiety
Guilt
Sadness
Anger
Fear
Fear
Fear

The darkness brings sleep. Long awaited rest. I need that time. Tomorrow is a new day. There are great things in store for my future. I know it.

Sep 7
Tossing

Football.

Sep 6
Favorite season?

At least not this much.


Getting broken up with is literally the worst fucking feeling. This time it was mutual and I still managed to cry the entire time. What’s really shitty is that we still care for each other so much.


You’re a peach. You’ve always been one.

23:15

09/03/2014

AG

Sep 3
I really didn’t think it would hurt.

My mother told me that I was brave.
Braver than she will ever be.


I’ll never forget today.

SoFla
21:16
AG

Sep 1
Today