I’m waiting for you to come home
You’re up all night.
That leaves me up all night
I love you.
You’re bringing me down.
It’s cold and I could use the sleep.
I could use some fire.
Where do I find the tea?
I’m locked in a basement of mazes of thoughts of sleep.
He is five.
He comes to me and takes my hand.
He drags me to his room.
He looks at me and asks me to lay down with him.
I can’t fall asleep alone.
I lay there in bed with him.
I can hear his breathing.
I get up to leave.
He asks again.
I lay back down.
He presses his tiny body against.
Warm, small, frail.
I couldn’t leave him.
He begs for a story.
I tell him a fantastic one.
About outer space and time travel and wizards and lions and stars and moons and rockets and fire and swords and milk and honey.
He asks me to fall asleep.
And I do.
And I never awake.
I loved him from the moment I first saw him.
Like he was my own.
They can be actual tangible objects. They can also be feelings, emotions, time, etc.
I watched you as your slept. Hand on my chest. It rising and falling with the patterns of my breath. I had never felt like I wanted something more. In that moment you were everything.
I was laying in your bed. It was freezing. You climbed in and wrapped your arms around me. I’d never been happier.
You whisper my name in my ear as if it were a sweet song. Over and over again. You kissed my neck and felt my body quiver against yours.
I can’t stop. Stop feeling like you have replaced something in my life. Like you’ve filled some sort of hole.
It was cold those few days last week. I let you drive. It made me feel safe when you drove. Especially if we were in my car. It’s like I was giving something to you. A piece of me. Like when you took my body as your property. Like when you could have gone all night with me on my knees.
You lied. You lied about what time it was. You lied about loving me. You wrapped your hands around my throat and told me that you’d never stop loving me. I told you that I’d let the air escape from my lungs if it meant proving to you how I felt.
I gasp for air. My throat is dry. I scared myself awake again. It was all a dream. And here you lay in bed with me.
Perfect hair. Perfect nose. Perfect voice. Perfect prose.
I’m sick with thoughts.
Who is this?
i hate her so fucking much, jfc
I never reblog things.
To me this was worth it.
I don’t understand the obsession with her. She’s ignorant and annoying.
It’s funny how she thinks she’s “fat” and claims she eats more than all women in Hollywood.
I hate all of these people. Especially her.
CB ur perf bby. ;) ;*
I spend my time on the roof. High above the world. Towering over the people. Barefoot and bare backed. The sun has changed my skin. A golden bronze once again.
I’m such a fool. Falling over and over and finally. Finally. How long must I wait to feel you here? Hot summer nights intwined in bed sheets with you. Your chest grazing against my back. Supple lips felt all over my skin. You count the few freckles that there are across my skin. 90s music plays in the background. I fight the urge to run. I fight the urge to just not be. To just be.
When I thought it was enough to be alone you appeared in the doorway. You called me over to you. We danced slowly with our eyes. That gaze can’t stop replaying in my mind. I’d fight every flame forever if I knew you wouldn’t leave my side. But what do I know? I’m just sitting here on these cold hardwood floors trying to remember why I ever tried.
I’d said enough words for the both of us. She said fewer words and they mattered most. My dreams escape me. Rain pours in through the window. Hitting my face. Drenching my hair.
I need you now more than ever. I need you by my side. I would hold your hand into oblivion if that meant just one more stare in your eyes.
Fables are just that. I’ve forgotten every moral to ever tale I’ve ever heard. I’ve got a heart full of angst waiting to attack. Bitter but better. Better not bitter. I bit you like a pomegranate and never forgot the taste you left in my mouth. Blood stained and battered. Broken and dismayed. Who’s to say I’m not alright?
Words are words. Desperation climbs the walls on my rib cage and reminds me of the longing I’ll never be rid of. No excuses. No shame. I’m bare. Flesh and bones awaiting a jolt of significant happiness to shower a sorrowful story I’ve come to know as reality. Reality is a crock. And to me you’re nothing other than a faded memory of cheap lies and disdain. It spews from my lips. Like every cold word I never meant to spurt out toward anyone. Rain pours on my skin. Beads roll off and puddle below me. The light is gone because sun just doesn’t show. The moon hides behind my eyes and glosses over fields of eternal dreams from a deep sleep I’ll never wake.
The flowers I touch burn and die. They catch fire between my lips and float high in the wind. Above building and trees.
Poetry is just that. An exhausted memorial of a feeling that was never meant to be. I let this go. I’ve let myself go. I’m fine. I’ll be alright. Never not better. Whatever forever. Forever dressed to depress. Press your face into mine. Hold yourself over my body. Float away like every flower I’ve never touched. Burn the image into my mind. Burn forever away.
The space I consume is so small that I just disappear into the background. A white pasty version of what I once was. My mouth is dry from the thousands of letters I’ve swallowed whole for you.
He calls me dear. He takes my hands and we walk on. But I’m just a damaged version of what once was. He knows that when I look away tears are streaming down my face. He will gladly stand in the way of whatever emptiness glides by to entice me.
He sees my furrowed browed stares. He says that I’m classic. A true beauty. That all of the pretty dresses in the world can’t erase the scars hiding underneath. When he calls my name his mouth becomes a honeycomb. He drips sweet honey down to his limbs. He says exactly what I’d say. Intelligent. That’s his preferred way of describing me. I want mountains with him. Big skies. Classic Americana.
Take me home. I slipped in the creek and hit my head along some rocks. I can’t tell time, add, or subtract. All I know is what your voice sounds like when you’re falling asleep but fighting it harder than day fights night. Stars fight the light sky. I’m gone. You missed me. You miss me. Feeling over and over all over you.
It’s funny how people assume they know exactly what I’m discussing or who I’m discussing. You don’t know anything, imbecile.
Joy Division and Sonic Youth playing on repeat for so long that my records are scratched. Every album I own is so worn down from the abuse that I’m unsure how they still play.
Goddammit, Alaska. Why do I miss you with ever fiber of my being? I met some of the most amazing people I have ever known there. That place is something else.
Tallahassee is fucking calling. My stomach is a wreck. I can’t stop the feeling of wanting to run away again. I want it all to just end. It’s like my every motivation is to just get out. Get out now. Get out fast. Get out somehow. St. Augustine, The Keys, The Panhandle, anywhere.
I think it’s because no matter where I go you won’t be there. That’s the most fucked up part of this.
I can’t wait to be back in Brazil again. I know I won’t want to leave once I’m home. Things are bad everywhere. It’s getting worse as time goes on. At least my beautiful flower is there. Everything. She is everything that matters to me.
Can someone turn off the American Football already? It’s depressing. I love it. But it just makes me so sad. Sadness is overrated. You were overrated. I will spend my days around him. He finds comfort in me. And vice versa. Versa vice. Vices. You were a vice.
After a 50 lb tote fell on my wrist today I contemplated smashing my body to the ground.
I contemplated crying and letting the tears just stream down my face.
I contemplated acting like a fool.
I decided not to because the last time I acted like a fool was the last time I saw you.
I think of our conversations and your eyes often. Your smile and the way it felt when your hand would brush against my skin.
I contemplated staying but ended up running like I always do.
I’ve got a car, I’m in the process of buying a house, I have a fantastic job. I just can’t imagine a life without you in it. I was a fool for so very long over you. I’ve been walking the street over you. I’ve been living a dream over you. I’m lost or so it seems. All over you.
All over you.
You over all.
Taking my mind away from thoughts that manipulate my rationality.
People creep their ways into my mind. Into my soul. I sit and wait for the fumes to pass. For the train to run express and keep on going until it hits the water.
He said that I came to him in a dream. The he had never felt this way about anyone. That I had taken him and molded him without trying or even knowing what I was doing.
He said he was in love with me for so long that he didn’t know how to act. He couldn’t just be whenever he was around me. He regretted not telling me. Not showing me how he felt.
You know what really fucking sucks?
People change. Their opinions, their minds, their hearts.
I can’t believe I fell for someone the way I fell for you. Goddamn fucking foolish love.
Feeling something sinking out of my fingertips and on to the pages of my life is surreal.
I’ll never understand why I am the type of person I am. Why I fit a certain stereotype to everyone but can’t seem to achieve the one thing I actually want.
Whenever someone is interested and actually act as though they care about the type of person I am and if I am alright and how they can help and and a n d a.n.d. I just lose all interest.
Stop talking to me.
I don’t care about you.
I don’t want you to know me.
I don’t want your voice living under my skin.
I don’t want to think about how you feel beside me.
I don’t want to wake up next to you.
I want to run so fucking far away that no one care hear my screaming or see my pain anymore. I want you to just be a stupid nightmare.
The guy I’m sleeping with looks exactly like the last guy I was sleeping with.
I’m a fucking mess.
Sex just isn’t the same if it’s not with you.
I thought I could be fine without you. I was so fucking wrong.
I have fucking fallen apart.
There are no goddamn words to describe the way I feel right now.
I’m using every crutch I’ve ever known. Don’t let this be the end of me.
I can’t even face myself.
I can feel my train coming.
Fifteen days and life as I know it will just fade away. I wish I could say I’m sad to see it go.
I just don’t feel anything.
Goddammit I am so fucking numb its disgusting. I don’t feel a thing anymore.
Where has my mind gone? I wish I could stay. I wish so many things. I wish there were a way to make it all disappear. I wish you weren’t so fucking far away. In every sense of that phrase.
I wish I could just stop time for one day.