"1. Your skin may never be perfect, and that’s okay.
2. Life is too short not to have the underwear, the coffee, and the haircut you want.
3. Everyone (including your family, your coworkers, and your best friend) will talk about you behind your back, and you’ll talk about them too. It doesn’t mean you don’t love each other.
4. It’s okay to spend money on things that make you happy.
5. Sometimes without fault or reason, relationships deteriorate. It will happen when you’re six, it will happen when you’re sixty. That’s life."
- Five things I am trying very hard to accept (via
This is everything right now.
aumoe, via yangtzeswimming) Aug 21
It doesn’t creep under your bed, hide in your closet, or haunt your dreams.
The real horror only occurs in those tiny moments before you drift off to sleep. The second in takes to let the water wash over you in the shower. The moments the record skips until you go over to it. The sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when you finally realize that they are telling someone else that they are in love with someone new.
The moment hits hard when you find out that they spend their nights together. It hits even harder when they say forever. It hit even harder before you could say goodbye.
It is the door closing on your face. The lack of an embrace. The simple moments you forgot to memorize in every small detail. When you see them again it just isn’t the same. You know that those words have dripped off of their lips onto the small of someone else’s back.
You know that your moments have long since been forgotten. And when they said “I love you” it was the same as saying “it looks like it might rain”.
Your stomach turns not because you are in love, but because you’ve lost the only love you’ve ever known.
The saddest part is that they know. They know and they laugh.
While you’re shaking in a corner trying to sweat out every emotion you’ve ever been able to feel. Forgetting for the moment that pain isn’t passing. Pain is eternal. We strive for the happy moments. They’ve become a distant memory.
Why do I have to be so impossible?
Why do I have to enjoy this so much?
For now I’ll wait, F.
"I don’t mean to sound harsh, but that’s just how I feel. Honestly." You can just go ahead and do me the favor of slowly inserting needles into your eyeballs and under your fingernails.
Why is everyone I meet such a piece of shit? Why am I attracted to literal pieces of shit?
If I was with someone that wasn’t a piece of shit just once I swear I might die from shock.
As this is…
I finally realized that I like myself so much more whenever you’re nowhere in sight. Whenever you’re not by my side. Whenever you’re on your way out.
Why is it that bad things all happen at the same time in my life?
Honesty is a failure in the most passionate of relationships. I saw her walking back and forth across the room. Her footing giving out below her hips while they continued swaying from the lack of oxygen and too many stimulants.
I’ve moved so many times I forgot where I came from. Wyoming? A Dakota? Little Rock? Omaha? No place feeling okay unless I’m with you. It’s a sickening feeling to glare down at our daughter and tell her that you’ll be back soon. And all she wants to do is grasp you. All I can do is tell her that you went away one afternoon.
If I could I would leave her on the side of the road in the middle of middle America. She would forget my name and the place she was born. I can’t handle the thought of not looking her in the eyes. They light a fire inside of me. Those eyes look just like yours. Less red, of course. She doesn’t need all of the drugs you’ve been latching on to for sixteen years.
She hardly speaks these days. She sits quietly in whatever hotel room we are in at the moment. She pulls up a chair in front of the east walls. She stares at them counting the faults in the paint. She told me once that we should go east. She said you liked the heat.
It was so long ago that I saw you that I’m afraid I would’t know it was you if you passed by us. I would know your smell, though.
I find that many times I found myself running from progress. I now know that in those times it wasn’t progress for the better it was progress for the sake of change. Change can be both good and bad. Over the past year I’ve learned that even if it is difficult there is a lesson to be learned. Mistakes have been made. I have been seriously wounded. It didn’t stop me then and it won’t stop me now. I’m looking forward to a bright future. A future that is more whole.
Going home is the right thing to do.
With or without you. Jul 11